1 in 4 American girls has an STD

Yet another line of lyrics from a song off of 3EB's Red Star EP. In this case, from the song "Nondairy Creamer."

I failed to mention in my previous post that the three EP songs: Red Star, Nondairy Creamer, and a live version of Why Can't You Be are all featured on Third Eye Blind's myspace. You can get there quickly by just typing in www.thirdeyeblind.com

"Nondairy Creamer" may seem ridiculous at first, and it kind of is, but I've realized something. I can not dislike any Third Eye Blind songs. I thought I disliked "Tattoo of the Sun" and "Self-Righteous" but now I like the former and love the latter. Same thing with "Nondairy Creamer." It has truly grown on me.

I'm also following in with an unreleased song, "Persephone." Apparently it didn't make the cut to get on their last album, Out of the Vein. Supposedly it may be featured on Ursa Major which comes out next year sometime. Keeping my fingers crossed.

"Old emotions are coming back to me."

You were so pretty in the days you spoke your mind

Those are lyrics from the song "Red Star" off of Third Eye Blind's recently released Red Star EP. It is a taste of things to come, definitely a holiday teaser. I pray that Ursa Major comes out in February like they say is supposed to, but I'm not holding my breath. Well, in a way I am. The EP is pretty good.

I've been trying (and failing) once again to write a song. Every time I try to write a song the lyrics come out as cheesy love song lyrics and the guitar part is mediocre at best. A good song doesn't need complicated guitar work, I know that. I'm just having trouble coming up with good lyrics. I don't want my lyrics to be like every other wannabe out there who sings songs about his estranged lover, or breakups, or shit like that.

Damn it.

House on Hickory Hill

Okay, if you look to the right you will notice I have updated the word count for my camp novel, House on Hickory Hill.

I wrote over 200 pages this summer longhand and I literally just got finished typing them up yesterday. I took a lot of breaks.

You'll also notice I am over my 90,000 word goal but the thing of it is, is that I am not finished.

Whether you knew or not, this is how I have my book setup:

Prologue
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
Thursday
Friday
Saturday
Epilogue

Each day is divided up into smaller, numbered sections. All the days are finished except Monday needs to be finished and Tuesday hasn't even been written. There are huge gaps between Sunday/Monday and Friday/Saturday because I wrote all of this at different time periods. There are many inconsistencies that I, unfortunately, have to work out. I changed a lot of my ideas around specifically one big one: originally this was Andy's (main character's) first year at camp. I decided it would work a lot better if Andy is returning to camp a second time after a one year hiatus. So he worked there the summer he was 18 and now he is returning as a 20-year-old. It's great because he left a bit of a legacy and everyone is so glad he's back. And then around Wednesday the shit hits the fan.

This book has a lot going on because there was a lot I wanted to put in it. I wanted to reach a wide audience. There's something for everyone: love, sex, action of all sorts, friendship, humor, morbidity, mindfucks (in a way), suspense, mystery, lore of all sorts, etc.

It's packed but not saturated or overwhelming, I feel.

So this isn't even draft 1. This book is in all sorts of forms. I've gone through Monday/Sunday/Wednesday/ and parts of Thursday already. So those parts are practically on draft 2. The latter part of Thursday, Friday, and Saturday are all first drafter. Monday needs a lot of work. And Tuesday is currently nonexistent. The epilogue has been written on paper but there are a lot of changes I want to make to it.

So I would say, after writing the epilogue, finishing up Monday, and writing Tuesday, I will have over 100,000 words so about 400 or so pages. Then editing is going to be long and arduous because of all these inconsistencies. Not to mention my writing has improved dramatically over the two years I've been writing this (started in 2006 when I was at the actual camp this is based off). It is hands down the largest undertaking I've done in terms of writing.

Life and Death, Death and Life, among other things...

So why are weddings and funerals so much portrayed as opposites? Are both not about love? Love has a beginning perhaps, but does true love ever end? Do you stop loving your spouse because they die? Or friend or relative? Absolutely not.

But then, perhaps people compare the symbolic "new life" of a freshly married couple to the very literal death of an individual. But if so, that's not a very good antonym because hot is the opposite of cold, not the idea of hot is the opposite of cold, if that makes sense. Birthdays are the opposite of funerals.

No wait, that's not quite right, either. Because both celebrate one's life, do they not? Funerals are about mourning, but do we not honor that person's life in a eulogy?

So what is the opposite of a funeral? Perhaps there is none, really. Because funerals, weddings, birthdays, they're all symbolic. The days are literal, sure, but their meanings go far deeper.

So it is the love of life that truly drives these things, perhaps.

In other news, there is no other news except...

There's this...something in existence. Its something I'm slowly discovering. This "something" is both a very strong feeling and some sort of transcendental/spiritual awakening or I guess a better word is epiphany. I haven't fully discovered it but whatever this "thing" is, each day brings me closer to the climax of the ultimate discovery. I have a feeling that this "something" is or has to do with the idea of the interconnectedness of all things, a sort of chaos theory. Except without the chaos.

It's like a massive jigsaw puzzle. Every day it feels like a new piece is added, and then sometimes one is taken away. I don't know what it is or what kind of implications it will have but I do know one thing, I'm going to Europe next summer for a study abroad program. Maybe there, as they say, I will find at least some answers to these burning questions I have.

Maybe there, I will find some sort of peace. Deep down in the depths of my heart, I am a drifter. I love, but I don't like to be constrained. I don't like time and I don't like deadlines and I don't like being responsible for certain things. What I like is living each day to its fullest potential. Every day should feel like a week and every week should feel like a day.

This is life, 'til death do us part.

Fear.

What is fear?

At its most basic level, it is the flight in "fight or flight."

It is caused by neurons firing in the amygdala of your brain in response to some stimuli found threatening.

Fear is things nesting in dark corners, shifting, coiling. Fear is born unto darkness. It keeps you awake. It torments your dreams and your waking life. Fear can be power and fear can be weakness.

Fear is powerlessness when those dark things come to haunt you at night. Awake or dreaming, they are there in the darkest regions of your room. Why do they only come out at night?

Another Update

Okay.

So as you've noticed, I deleted those parts of my novel from here. Don't worry, I've actually converted the text of the entire prologue and first chapter to an .html document and I plan on uploading it to the internet here soon. Once I do, I'll provide a link.

Mostly, I was bothered by how it didn't format and how the posts worked (you saw the chapter first, then the prologue) so I'm going to upload it later.

In other news. I'm taking a creative writing class here in good, ol' college and loving it. All novels have been temporarily suspended. I'm focusing on what's going on in class and also several unfinished short stories I'm very excited about.

Hopefully I'll get my act together and submit some of these (once I've completed and revised them numerous times) for publication.

Enjoy your life,
Will

Dreams

There's something about them...maybe mine specifically...It's not answers I'm finding in my dreams but something else, something strong and powerful but at the same time masked and hidden. Symbols, yes...but also...it's like a riddle or a scavenger hunt where each item is a tiny piece in the huge jigsaw puzzle that is my life: past, present, and future. Each is a clue leading to the key. I have many keys only I don't know to which door each belongs.

I don't want to go back to vacation, I just want to be with my cousins again...one in particular.

Life is pain. Love is pain.

Pain sucks.