Still no "official" job and I seriously doubt there will be one. I guarantee that if I had spent the summer in Noblesville, I would've found a job. The market in Muncie is just downright terrible.
The main reason I stayed, besides because I'm paying rent, is for a specific person. They haven't been around much, through no fault of their own. So I'm left here, mostly by myself. I mean, I have friends here but I haven't seen them much. I'm not antisocial it's just I don't know when they're around and I truthfully haven't been making much of an effort. What I'm getting at is that I'm not blaming anyone, only my own apathy. I would probably jump at the chance if someone contacted me, though.
However, I have been working as a guide for ChaCha (txt any question to 242-242 for free) to bring in a little extra cash. It's been really slow this week, unfortunately. So anyway the best time to do it is at nights and on the weekends. Since this is my only source of income, this seriously cripples my social life.
So I play games, watch shows, etc. during the day. Whatever to pass the time and avoid deadly boredom. I only wish I could spend more time with this person. They're gone all week but will be back next week sometime.
What else, you say? Nothing, absolutely...well. I finally got my student teaching assignment. Pendleton Elementary. Seems like a good school. I think I'll be teaching 2nd grade which seems like a fun age and a grade I have yet to teach.
Don't ask me about writing, please. Just know that I'm working on it.
God damn. I can't shake this awful feeling. I feel, more and more often, that I'm just drifting through an empty void. That's how my life feels. That's how living feels to me. Sure, I distract myself by doing stuff, hanging out, etc. but I keep coming back to this. Does everyone feel this way? Do I still lack purpose, after all I've accomplished and all I am hopeful for towards the future?
I don't know...I just don't know.
Also, I've been packing up so many boxes of my things. Little things, big things. Unused things. Books, games, etc. Not all of them so far but most. I've been moving them to the crawlspace in my basement back home. Plenty of room up there. Plenty of time to forget all of my crap that will soon be up there.
It's weird. I keep thinking about this one thing. I like to collect things. Games, movies, books, comics, CDs. I have lists. Wishlists on Amazon. Lists in my head. I want to collect all the the things I want to collect. I want to watch, play, read, and listen to them as well but I simply want them. But at the same time, I wouldn't miss them. It's just to pass the time, to have something to do. I'm really not that material. I just have things.
I am rambling, I know. But it's 2 in the morning and I'm in a very weird place.
I don't know what else to say, only that I hope next week is so much better than this one. It will be only if I get to spend time with that person I was talking about.
If not, I will flip.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
No Title
Yeah, I haven't posted in how long? Less than a year, though.
You have to understand, I have little to no motivation to write here. Sure, maybe one or two people read this thing but I feel as though I am writing in a journal but online, for the world to see my ramblings.
So why update? Boredom, mostly.
Let me catch you up to speed on some things that will most likely work themselves out but who knows. I have just completed my fourth year here at Ball State and I have one more to go. In the fall, I am suppose to spend the semester student teaching but I have yet to get my assignment. I could get assigned a place here or perhaps in Noblesville or who knows where. Plus my lease is up in August and there is no way to renew it so I have no idea where I'll be living, either (perhaps out of my car).
Currently, though, I have begun my summer break looking for a job. I applied at a slew of places last week but have not heard from a one of them. I have submitted applications to two particular jobs that I have good feeling about but I don't know if they are going to work out, either.
Plus I'm close to broke.
On the less darker side of things, I have gotten my shit together in terms of writing "House on Hickory Hill." I have been totally revamping the first section and am a good ways completed with that. My second task is to finally settle down and write the second and third sections. Once that undertaking has been accomplished, I can dig into the last four sections, make sure they flow well with the first half but mostly just heavily edit them. And then I can think about submitting it somewhere. But right now, my priority is this first half.
What else, you say? What else is there to say? I'm a poor, unemployed college student, just like so many others. Big deal.
I'm also already growing bored. It's seeping into me like an apathetic poison. I just have to keep myself occupied or I will waste a lot of time.
I'm also really missing Waycross and Europe. The two best summers of my life.
Probably no one is going to read this, so really I'm just talking with myself. In that case, all I can say is good luck. And that I don't believe in luck.
But maybe, sometimes, I do.
You have to understand, I have little to no motivation to write here. Sure, maybe one or two people read this thing but I feel as though I am writing in a journal but online, for the world to see my ramblings.
So why update? Boredom, mostly.
Let me catch you up to speed on some things that will most likely work themselves out but who knows. I have just completed my fourth year here at Ball State and I have one more to go. In the fall, I am suppose to spend the semester student teaching but I have yet to get my assignment. I could get assigned a place here or perhaps in Noblesville or who knows where. Plus my lease is up in August and there is no way to renew it so I have no idea where I'll be living, either (perhaps out of my car).
Currently, though, I have begun my summer break looking for a job. I applied at a slew of places last week but have not heard from a one of them. I have submitted applications to two particular jobs that I have good feeling about but I don't know if they are going to work out, either.
Plus I'm close to broke.
On the less darker side of things, I have gotten my shit together in terms of writing "House on Hickory Hill." I have been totally revamping the first section and am a good ways completed with that. My second task is to finally settle down and write the second and third sections. Once that undertaking has been accomplished, I can dig into the last four sections, make sure they flow well with the first half but mostly just heavily edit them. And then I can think about submitting it somewhere. But right now, my priority is this first half.
What else, you say? What else is there to say? I'm a poor, unemployed college student, just like so many others. Big deal.
I'm also already growing bored. It's seeping into me like an apathetic poison. I just have to keep myself occupied or I will waste a lot of time.
I'm also really missing Waycross and Europe. The two best summers of my life.
Probably no one is going to read this, so really I'm just talking with myself. In that case, all I can say is good luck. And that I don't believe in luck.
But maybe, sometimes, I do.
Saturday, August 22, 2009
Time and time again
In my life, I have found that, as the title of my blog states, "in the end, it'll all work out." And so it has. Money woes be gone. Stress gone. For now, anyway.
I'm doing alright in my life. Not much has changed and those things that have, have done so in subtle ways. I feel as though I am an improved human being after this past summer and I feel like a lot of people are as well. Can we just all improve as a human species? Its been a long time since I've found faith in humanity but here it is again. Love is real and will always, always find a way to get you through.
All you need is love. Maybe, maybe there are other things but love is a damn good start.
Third Eye Blind's new album "Ursa Major" has come out. I love every single track on it and I believe it is their second greatest album (the first being their self-titled, freshmen release).
This is the final verse/chorus of track 9 "Water Landing":
"Put on your life vest only if told to do so
Well I'm telling you now
Strap it across your chest
Prepare yourself for impending death
You and me are nose-diving
At the speed of whiplash, life passes by
In an endless plane crash
Muffled I love you through an oxygen mask
On my face, brace, brace
And the cabin erupts with religious conversions
God's sick joke as we lose the engines
Some people scream and some people are gracious
And the reason's the same
Cause the sky outside is so spacious
Its so spacious
So if its a water landing
Then its a water landing
And its coming inside."
This summarizes so many things. Because if its a water landing, then its a water landing. I only wish that I could have had this song playing in my head every time I flew. Oh well. Better now than not at all. Love.
I'm doing alright in my life. Not much has changed and those things that have, have done so in subtle ways. I feel as though I am an improved human being after this past summer and I feel like a lot of people are as well. Can we just all improve as a human species? Its been a long time since I've found faith in humanity but here it is again. Love is real and will always, always find a way to get you through.
All you need is love. Maybe, maybe there are other things but love is a damn good start.
Third Eye Blind's new album "Ursa Major" has come out. I love every single track on it and I believe it is their second greatest album (the first being their self-titled, freshmen release).
This is the final verse/chorus of track 9 "Water Landing":
"Put on your life vest only if told to do so
Well I'm telling you now
Strap it across your chest
Prepare yourself for impending death
You and me are nose-diving
At the speed of whiplash, life passes by
In an endless plane crash
Muffled I love you through an oxygen mask
On my face, brace, brace
And the cabin erupts with religious conversions
God's sick joke as we lose the engines
Some people scream and some people are gracious
And the reason's the same
Cause the sky outside is so spacious
Its so spacious
So if its a water landing
Then its a water landing
And its coming inside."
This summarizes so many things. Because if its a water landing, then its a water landing. I only wish that I could have had this song playing in my head every time I flew. Oh well. Better now than not at all. Love.
Friday, August 14, 2009
So this is where I am...
It's about 1 AM Saturday. I am well awake and listening to oldies (songs from the 50's and 60's). Currently playing is "Ain't Too Proud To Beg."
My thoughts were so strongly focused on "House On Hickory Hill" for so long but now my mind has wandered over to "Skin and Bone." This back and forth is quite common. However, I started re-reading what I wrote of SB and I'm astounded. I don't have the same problems in this one as I do in HHH (such as several big holes that need filling, a huge revision of chapters and/or sections). No, the biggest problem I had with this novel was double spaces after a period. I've fixed that all in the first section of the book. That was step one. I need to add a scene at the end of this one chapter then after that I can go back, fix all the god damn adverbs I've used, and then delete a few things (there are several parts where I say the same thing but in three different ways. As a reader I am annoyed). The writing, though, is fantastic. My style, as far as mechanics go, is pretty steady from when I started writing this (freshmen year of college). I've got good sentence variation, good flow. Sure, I've learned stuff since then but I'm still impressed with myself.
Now this book is divided into three sections, each section representing a different key location. I've actually modeled these three distinct locations after my trip to and from school and home. Basically the story starts out at "home" and my protagonist ends up going to a mid-point town in part two, called "Frankton," which is a real town. My friends and I have nick named it the "Zombietown," because often when you drive through there, you never see anyone around. It's eerie but cool in a way. The third and final location is a mixture of my college and college town. I haven't actually written part three. Part 1 is essentially finished (just needs some mop-up) and part two has a good leg up, but part 3 is just in my mind for now. I know some things though that I will share with you:
In this third part, my protagonist, James, has finally arrived at his university. This was his ultimate goal because he knew that his school had some really advanced bio-labs, top scientists/professors, and such. He hoped against hope that it would still be standing and that people would still be there, working hard on a cure. At the end of part 1, we hear a radio broadcast affirming that this place is a refuge and that it is, indeed, still standing. James is hoping to help find a cure. That is about all I can tell you. Oh, and of course, when he gets there...it isn't at all what he expects. Cliche in a way but also, true in life as well as fiction.
Now "Stay (Just A Little Bit Longer)."
My thoughts were so strongly focused on "House On Hickory Hill" for so long but now my mind has wandered over to "Skin and Bone." This back and forth is quite common. However, I started re-reading what I wrote of SB and I'm astounded. I don't have the same problems in this one as I do in HHH (such as several big holes that need filling, a huge revision of chapters and/or sections). No, the biggest problem I had with this novel was double spaces after a period. I've fixed that all in the first section of the book. That was step one. I need to add a scene at the end of this one chapter then after that I can go back, fix all the god damn adverbs I've used, and then delete a few things (there are several parts where I say the same thing but in three different ways. As a reader I am annoyed). The writing, though, is fantastic. My style, as far as mechanics go, is pretty steady from when I started writing this (freshmen year of college). I've got good sentence variation, good flow. Sure, I've learned stuff since then but I'm still impressed with myself.
Now this book is divided into three sections, each section representing a different key location. I've actually modeled these three distinct locations after my trip to and from school and home. Basically the story starts out at "home" and my protagonist ends up going to a mid-point town in part two, called "Frankton," which is a real town. My friends and I have nick named it the "Zombietown," because often when you drive through there, you never see anyone around. It's eerie but cool in a way. The third and final location is a mixture of my college and college town. I haven't actually written part three. Part 1 is essentially finished (just needs some mop-up) and part two has a good leg up, but part 3 is just in my mind for now. I know some things though that I will share with you:
In this third part, my protagonist, James, has finally arrived at his university. This was his ultimate goal because he knew that his school had some really advanced bio-labs, top scientists/professors, and such. He hoped against hope that it would still be standing and that people would still be there, working hard on a cure. At the end of part 1, we hear a radio broadcast affirming that this place is a refuge and that it is, indeed, still standing. James is hoping to help find a cure. That is about all I can tell you. Oh, and of course, when he gets there...it isn't at all what he expects. Cliche in a way but also, true in life as well as fiction.
Now "Stay (Just A Little Bit Longer)."
Friday, July 24, 2009
Why I love Okkervil River so much and other things of interest...
Why? Why, why, why?
Here's something I think is amazingly awesome. To promote their newest album, Okkervil River had a Stand-Ins project (the album being named The Stand-Ins). Aptly named because they had fellow indie musicians cover their songs and they taped it and put it on youtube (thus these artists Stood-In for Okkervil River).
Here's a breakdown of the tracks with the artists who covered them in case you recognize one or some of them:
"Lost Costlines" - A.C. Newman of The New Pornographers
"Singer Songwriter" - David Vandervelde (accompanied by Will Sheff of Okkervil River)
"Starry Stairs" - Jack Ladder
"Blue Tulip" - Bon Iver
"Pop Lie" - Bird of Youth
"On Tour With Zykos" - Zykos
"Calling and Not Calling My Ex" - Ola Podrido
"Bruce Wayne Campbell" - one cover by Crooked Fingers, another by Jordan Geiger of Hospital Ships
Now I can't say I recognize all of these musicians but the fact that this assortment of different indie musicians are covering Okkervil River's songs from their new album is very awesome. What a sweet idea, in my book.
This is one reason why I love them so much. But there are others.
I love their songs at the most basic level. Their chord structures, though most of them are simple, are unique to each and every song. No two songs even sound the same musically. Nor do they lyrically, which is one of the biggest reasons I love Okkervil River. Each album has a running theme that shows up in their songs.
Here are a couple of my favorite Okkervil River songs, complete with album and track name, as well as an example of the lyrics I love so much from each particular song.
"And when I killed her, it was so easy
That I wanted to kill her again.
I got down on both of my knees and
She ain't coming back again."
-"Westfall" from the album "Don't Fall In Love With Everyone You See"
"He says, 'I am waiting on hoof and on hand.
I'm waiting, all hated and damned.
I'm waiting - I snort and I stamp.
I'm waiting, you know that I am,
calmly waiting to make you my lamb.'"
-"So Come Back, I'm Waiting" from the album "Black Sheep Boy"
"It's a gray day in the fall
And the radio's singing down the hall
And I rise to turn it off cause all I'm seeing is her face
Age 8
8"
-"Savannah Smiles" from the album "The Stage Names"
These lyrics, coupled with the music, form some really intense songs that really capture the scenes Will Sheff has created. The music in each song fits so well with the lyrics that it just really takes me away. I absolutely love this band.
So yes, I'm still working on "House on Hickory Hill." My immediate goal as of this moment is to really hammer that first goddamn chapter down to something I can feel comfortable showing a publisher. I want to do this before school starts up at the end of August. The first chapter has about 8 parts. The first part is finished and I'm quite happy with it. Just 7 more to go. Several of these should be easy to go through but the end needs tweaking. Fortunately its mostly all written, just some scenes need to be re-written and revised because they have the right idea but the wrong wording. Easy, right?
That being said, I hope to have my novel ready to be submitted by the time I graduate in two years.
Also, I'm having a hell of a time getting my student loan for this year. Before it was pretty easy, I just log onto Sallie Mae, submit my info, and voila, loan completed. Now they're asking for credit checks because of our shitty economy and because they have a new loan type in place. I can't pass a credit check because I don't really have credit and I haven't had time to get a job. So I'm trying to get a co-signer but so far no one in my family has been able to pass because apparently their credit isn't perfect enough.
Fuck this. But it's all I got.
Maybe I'll just drop out and get a shitty full-time job. I don't have a lot of options.
On a much happier note, I'm going on a camping trip next week with some friends. But damn, its really hard to get my mind away from this money sitaution. I hadn't really felt the economic crunch until now. Awesome. Great fucking timing.
Here's something I think is amazingly awesome. To promote their newest album, Okkervil River had a Stand-Ins project (the album being named The Stand-Ins). Aptly named because they had fellow indie musicians cover their songs and they taped it and put it on youtube (thus these artists Stood-In for Okkervil River).
Here's a breakdown of the tracks with the artists who covered them in case you recognize one or some of them:
"Lost Costlines" - A.C. Newman of The New Pornographers
"Singer Songwriter" - David Vandervelde (accompanied by Will Sheff of Okkervil River)
"Starry Stairs" - Jack Ladder
"Blue Tulip" - Bon Iver
"Pop Lie" - Bird of Youth
"On Tour With Zykos" - Zykos
"Calling and Not Calling My Ex" - Ola Podrido
"Bruce Wayne Campbell" - one cover by Crooked Fingers, another by Jordan Geiger of Hospital Ships
Now I can't say I recognize all of these musicians but the fact that this assortment of different indie musicians are covering Okkervil River's songs from their new album is very awesome. What a sweet idea, in my book.
This is one reason why I love them so much. But there are others.
I love their songs at the most basic level. Their chord structures, though most of them are simple, are unique to each and every song. No two songs even sound the same musically. Nor do they lyrically, which is one of the biggest reasons I love Okkervil River. Each album has a running theme that shows up in their songs.
Here are a couple of my favorite Okkervil River songs, complete with album and track name, as well as an example of the lyrics I love so much from each particular song.
"And when I killed her, it was so easy
That I wanted to kill her again.
I got down on both of my knees and
She ain't coming back again."
-"Westfall" from the album "Don't Fall In Love With Everyone You See"
"He says, 'I am waiting on hoof and on hand.
I'm waiting, all hated and damned.
I'm waiting - I snort and I stamp.
I'm waiting, you know that I am,
calmly waiting to make you my lamb.'"
-"So Come Back, I'm Waiting" from the album "Black Sheep Boy"
"It's a gray day in the fall
And the radio's singing down the hall
And I rise to turn it off cause all I'm seeing is her face
Age 8
8"
-"Savannah Smiles" from the album "The Stage Names"
These lyrics, coupled with the music, form some really intense songs that really capture the scenes Will Sheff has created. The music in each song fits so well with the lyrics that it just really takes me away. I absolutely love this band.
So yes, I'm still working on "House on Hickory Hill." My immediate goal as of this moment is to really hammer that first goddamn chapter down to something I can feel comfortable showing a publisher. I want to do this before school starts up at the end of August. The first chapter has about 8 parts. The first part is finished and I'm quite happy with it. Just 7 more to go. Several of these should be easy to go through but the end needs tweaking. Fortunately its mostly all written, just some scenes need to be re-written and revised because they have the right idea but the wrong wording. Easy, right?
That being said, I hope to have my novel ready to be submitted by the time I graduate in two years.
Also, I'm having a hell of a time getting my student loan for this year. Before it was pretty easy, I just log onto Sallie Mae, submit my info, and voila, loan completed. Now they're asking for credit checks because of our shitty economy and because they have a new loan type in place. I can't pass a credit check because I don't really have credit and I haven't had time to get a job. So I'm trying to get a co-signer but so far no one in my family has been able to pass because apparently their credit isn't perfect enough.
Fuck this. But it's all I got.
Maybe I'll just drop out and get a shitty full-time job. I don't have a lot of options.
On a much happier note, I'm going on a camping trip next week with some friends. But damn, its really hard to get my mind away from this money sitaution. I hadn't really felt the economic crunch until now. Awesome. Great fucking timing.
Saturday, July 18, 2009
"Westfall"
As you can see, my new blog quote is from Okkervil River's "Westfall." As much as I loved that band before...
I've had to opportunity to listen to their older stuff and I've been loving the shit out of it. Westfall, in particular, is among my favorites. Anyways, that song, as well as Okkervil River itself, reflects my new blog layout. The picture above is from "Bloody" Charles Mackenzie's mausoleum. It is among my more supernatural experiences (not encounters, though) from Europe. You can read more about this all my adventures in my other blog (linked from here) as well as see every picture I took over there on my flickr page.
That's mostly all for now. I am hopefully going to see The Decemberists live in a couple weeks and I am also going on a camping trip or two in the next month or so. Then school starts up again.
I'm feeling my muse so I think I may finally, finally, finally tackle that first chapter of my camp novel and get it down, for good. I could really use that kind of writing win.
More to come, stay tuned. I am alive.
I've had to opportunity to listen to their older stuff and I've been loving the shit out of it. Westfall, in particular, is among my favorites. Anyways, that song, as well as Okkervil River itself, reflects my new blog layout. The picture above is from "Bloody" Charles Mackenzie's mausoleum. It is among my more supernatural experiences (not encounters, though) from Europe. You can read more about this all my adventures in my other blog (linked from here) as well as see every picture I took over there on my flickr page.
That's mostly all for now. I am hopefully going to see The Decemberists live in a couple weeks and I am also going on a camping trip or two in the next month or so. Then school starts up again.
I'm feeling my muse so I think I may finally, finally, finally tackle that first chapter of my camp novel and get it down, for good. I could really use that kind of writing win.
More to come, stay tuned. I am alive.
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Brand New Day
So my PC contracted a virus. All in all, I had to reinstall Windows after tirelessly trying to eradicate the pest from my machine. All is well, though. Everything important was saved to my external hard drive, nothing but time and my Internet bookmarks were lost.
I'm half-glad actually. I love new beginnings. I like starting fresh and anew. Hallejulah.
Also, I'm madly in love with the band Okkervil River. The song "So Come Back, I'm Waiting" has been haunting me. I've learned to play it on guitar, as well.
I am on book 4 of Harry Potter, The Goblet of Fire, and have two weeks to go until I leave. I feel however, that I can both study for finals, take finals, and finish the series before I head home on Friday.
Only time, that fickle bitch, can tell.
I'm half-glad actually. I love new beginnings. I like starting fresh and anew. Hallejulah.
Also, I'm madly in love with the band Okkervil River. The song "So Come Back, I'm Waiting" has been haunting me. I've learned to play it on guitar, as well.
I am on book 4 of Harry Potter, The Goblet of Fire, and have two weeks to go until I leave. I feel however, that I can both study for finals, take finals, and finish the series before I head home on Friday.
Only time, that fickle bitch, can tell.
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