Another Post

Still no "official" job and I seriously doubt there will be one. I guarantee that if I had spent the summer in Noblesville, I would've found a job. The market in Muncie is just downright terrible.

The main reason I stayed, besides because I'm paying rent, is for a specific person. They haven't been around much, through no fault of their own. So I'm left here, mostly by myself. I mean, I have friends here but I haven't seen them much. I'm not antisocial it's just I don't know when they're around and I truthfully haven't been making much of an effort. What I'm getting at is that I'm not blaming anyone, only my own apathy. I would probably jump at the chance if someone contacted me, though.

However, I have been working as a guide for ChaCha (txt any question to 242-242 for free) to bring in a little extra cash. It's been really slow this week, unfortunately. So anyway the best time to do it is at nights and on the weekends. Since this is my only source of income, this seriously cripples my social life.

So I play games, watch shows, etc. during the day. Whatever to pass the time and avoid deadly boredom. I only wish I could spend more time with this person. They're gone all week but will be back next week sometime.

What else, you say? Nothing, absolutely...well. I finally got my student teaching assignment. Pendleton Elementary. Seems like a good school. I think I'll be teaching 2nd grade which seems like a fun age and a grade I have yet to teach.

Don't ask me about writing, please. Just know that I'm working on it.

God damn. I can't shake this awful feeling. I feel, more and more often, that I'm just drifting through an empty void. That's how my life feels. That's how living feels to me. Sure, I distract myself by doing stuff, hanging out, etc. but I keep coming back to this. Does everyone feel this way? Do I still lack purpose, after all I've accomplished and all I am hopeful for towards the future?

I don't know...I just don't know.

Also, I've been packing up so many boxes of my things. Little things, big things. Unused things. Books, games, etc. Not all of them so far but most. I've been moving them to the crawlspace in my basement back home. Plenty of room up there. Plenty of time to forget all of my crap that will soon be up there.

It's weird. I keep thinking about this one thing. I like to collect things. Games, movies, books, comics, CDs. I have lists. Wishlists on Amazon. Lists in my head. I want to collect all the the things I want to collect. I want to watch, play, read, and listen to them as well but I simply want them. But at the same time, I wouldn't miss them. It's just to pass the time, to have something to do. I'm really not that material. I just have things.

I am rambling, I know. But it's 2 in the morning and I'm in a very weird place.

I don't know what else to say, only that I hope next week is so much better than this one. It will be only if I get to spend time with that person I was talking about.

If not, I will flip.

No Title

Yeah, I haven't posted in how long? Less than a year, though.

You have to understand, I have little to no motivation to write here. Sure, maybe one or two people read this thing but I feel as though I am writing in a journal but online, for the world to see my ramblings.

So why update? Boredom, mostly.

Let me catch you up to speed on some things that will most likely work themselves out but who knows. I have just completed my fourth year here at Ball State and I have one more to go. In the fall, I am suppose to spend the semester student teaching but I have yet to get my assignment. I could get assigned a place here or perhaps in Noblesville or who knows where. Plus my lease is up in August and there is no way to renew it so I have no idea where I'll be living, either (perhaps out of my car).

Currently, though, I have begun my summer break looking for a job. I applied at a slew of places last week but have not heard from a one of them. I have submitted applications to two particular jobs that I have good feeling about but I don't know if they are going to work out, either.

Plus I'm close to broke.

On the less darker side of things, I have gotten my shit together in terms of writing "House on Hickory Hill." I have been totally revamping the first section and am a good ways completed with that. My second task is to finally settle down and write the second and third sections. Once that undertaking has been accomplished, I can dig into the last four sections, make sure they flow well with the first half but mostly just heavily edit them. And then I can think about submitting it somewhere. But right now, my priority is this first half.

What else, you say? What else is there to say? I'm a poor, unemployed college student, just like so many others. Big deal.

I'm also already growing bored. It's seeping into me like an apathetic poison. I just have to keep myself occupied or I will waste a lot of time.

I'm also really missing Waycross and Europe. The two best summers of my life.

Probably no one is going to read this, so really I'm just talking with myself. In that case, all I can say is good luck. And that I don't believe in luck.

But maybe, sometimes, I do.