Another Post

Still no "official" job and I seriously doubt there will be one. I guarantee that if I had spent the summer in Noblesville, I would've found a job. The market in Muncie is just downright terrible.

The main reason I stayed, besides because I'm paying rent, is for a specific person. They haven't been around much, through no fault of their own. So I'm left here, mostly by myself. I mean, I have friends here but I haven't seen them much. I'm not antisocial it's just I don't know when they're around and I truthfully haven't been making much of an effort. What I'm getting at is that I'm not blaming anyone, only my own apathy. I would probably jump at the chance if someone contacted me, though.

However, I have been working as a guide for ChaCha (txt any question to 242-242 for free) to bring in a little extra cash. It's been really slow this week, unfortunately. So anyway the best time to do it is at nights and on the weekends. Since this is my only source of income, this seriously cripples my social life.

So I play games, watch shows, etc. during the day. Whatever to pass the time and avoid deadly boredom. I only wish I could spend more time with this person. They're gone all week but will be back next week sometime.

What else, you say? Nothing, absolutely...well. I finally got my student teaching assignment. Pendleton Elementary. Seems like a good school. I think I'll be teaching 2nd grade which seems like a fun age and a grade I have yet to teach.

Don't ask me about writing, please. Just know that I'm working on it.

God damn. I can't shake this awful feeling. I feel, more and more often, that I'm just drifting through an empty void. That's how my life feels. That's how living feels to me. Sure, I distract myself by doing stuff, hanging out, etc. but I keep coming back to this. Does everyone feel this way? Do I still lack purpose, after all I've accomplished and all I am hopeful for towards the future?

I don't know...I just don't know.

Also, I've been packing up so many boxes of my things. Little things, big things. Unused things. Books, games, etc. Not all of them so far but most. I've been moving them to the crawlspace in my basement back home. Plenty of room up there. Plenty of time to forget all of my crap that will soon be up there.

It's weird. I keep thinking about this one thing. I like to collect things. Games, movies, books, comics, CDs. I have lists. Wishlists on Amazon. Lists in my head. I want to collect all the the things I want to collect. I want to watch, play, read, and listen to them as well but I simply want them. But at the same time, I wouldn't miss them. It's just to pass the time, to have something to do. I'm really not that material. I just have things.

I am rambling, I know. But it's 2 in the morning and I'm in a very weird place.

I don't know what else to say, only that I hope next week is so much better than this one. It will be only if I get to spend time with that person I was talking about.

If not, I will flip.